Kansas City Cross Nationals Tour, The Jesus Lizard Leg

The Jesus Lizard Leg?

Cause the song Goliath by the Jesus Lizard was the first song that fiendPod_II played as I started the drive up to Greensburg then on to KC.

And I was not driving Clifford, who we are having a tough time bringing back from its' "not spewing anti-freeze" condition. Big poopie pants there.
Poor Clifford.
Poor us, cause we were really looking forward to having all his bigness out there, and I had gotten this swell awning for him-

This was actually from the week before when we tried to go to Rockburn, MD in Clifford but only got to the Cooper's Rock Exit on 68 (an exit that has seen me turn around more than once), but were able to limp home.

Where was I? (still getting over my blasted post Cross Season sickness you know...)

Oh yes, Jesus Lizard.
So after waiting around for part of the day on Wednesday hoping to get Clifford up and running, I was finally on the way up to get Jay-bo and then start heading on 70 W for the rest of two days. Yuck.

Lucky for us, our trip was a real fun-filled extravaganza!
By night fall somewhere between Wheeling, WV and St. Louis, MO we passed this revealing truck tarp. Sure did make for some exciting moments as I was determined to get a nice clear shot of the message-

And let me tell you, it wasn't that easy. We have a few more shoots and one of them is super clear and great but you don't get the feeling that the shot was taken while going 70mph on 70 W.
Ahh, 70 W. Almost as great as 70 E...

So the next great thing that happened was that I got an early X-mas present from my folks and Betsy. A new pair of Lake Winter Boots!
Won't go into details here, but I had been really having a tough time w/ my feet this season and I finally had to go up to the attic and bring out some relics to fit my now enlarged and hard to accommodate feet-

That's right, front and center are a pair of Time MTB shoes from 1997, size 43. All the rest of the shoes are 42's and just not fitting my feet well right now.
Weird.
Good thing I kept all those old shoes...

Sickness makes my mind wander.
So Dan from SpeedGoat ordered them, and Jeremy (from SpeedGoat) handed them off to Jay that very day that we took off.
I was bound and determined to use them if necessary, so I wore them almost the whole drive out-

They are some swank looking space boots aren't they?
Look great w/ jeans too.

I heart The Jesus Lizard.

But we didn't really listen to much music. Mostly Jay-bo tells stories, recounts past races and scenarios, or we get rambling about some movie or TV show, then we use the power of our Samsung I500 fones and look up answers on that there interweb thingy.
Did you know that Gabe Kaplan, from Welcome Back Kotter became a pro poker player and now does commentary for Poker matches? That thread started w/ Sylvester Stallone I believe.

But occasionally we do eat. Not that often, mostly we stop for gas and coffee and no fried pies this trip. That first day we finally stopped at a Waffle House, cause we heart Waffle House, somewhere in IL or MO. It's all pretty fuzzy still and The Jesus Lizard *is* playing in the background (Betsy has left the building).

So it was a recently remodeled Waffle House, and although the look of the place wasn't that much different from the ones we frequent in PA, MD, and VA, they had one thing that really set them apart-

Look at that gem!
A Waffle House logo right there in the middle! A first for our little troupe!

And to top it off, but available only if you pay attention, is the # of the store-

But it wasn't on Greenbag Road.

Betsy's back so I gotta turn off The Jesus Lizard, cause David Yow "sounds like a kidnap victim trying to howl through the duct tape over his mouth."

That night we made it past St. Louis. Over the mighty (and dark) Mississippi. Did not see the Arch as we were above it, and then got totally lost trying to find the stupid Days Inn in St. Charles. After 30 minutes and really giving up, we stumbled across it.
It was a nice place. Had wifi, had Family Guy (Jay-bo's favorite), had beds, and the X-mas tree in the lobby. It was all very touching.
It was also really great that we had to leave pretty early so we could get to whatever hotel we were staying in, drop off the step-child and go pick up Betsy at the aeroport.

Somewhere in the middle of MO, I talked to Betsy, a little before she was to take off from Pittsburgh. The sky was pretty nice, no ice or snow, and it had been that way pretty much the whole way (somewhere it rained some, but it wasn't too bad).
After I got off the fone w/ her though, we started see lots of Utility trucks, in droves, and then evidence of ice storms, broken and bent tops of trees all over the place.
And finally ice covering the tops of the trees, though the roads were and were going to stay clear for the rest of the drive-

Not a very good shot, but you get the idea.
Soon there was more though-

And soon after that, the mother land, Nostalgia Ville USA, a destination that would have to wait 'til the return leg-


And as would be expected, we couldn't find our hotel at first. Perpetua (our british speaking GPS driving guide) lead us to a yet uncompleted hotel, covered in ice too. So we called and found that we were very near, so life was good again.
More evidence of an ice storm that we fortunately missed. Sure was pretty though-

That's the Kansas City Speedway in the background!

And finally Jay-bo was able to get away and check in to our home for the next few days-


One more shot of the pretty ice before heading up to pick up the sweet Betsy-


The kids were pretty happy that Jay-bo was gone and that we were soon going to be seeing Betsy, Jack, and Abe-

Pretty crammed in we were, but all together. Just not much room to spare.

So we checked in, chatted w/ some of the staff about the absence of cookies, the past ice storm, got some hot cocoa, bounced on the bed, gave the remote to Jay-bo, and went off to the airport, hoping that it was the right one...

It was, got there a little before the "no checked luggage" Betsy, and we were once again reunited!
Then hustled back down to the hotel cause we had to figure out how to get to the venue and ride for a little, cause...

OUR RACES WERE THE VERY NEXT DAY!!!

Jay-bo charted our course, which involved going through and around the Speedway, which seemed only slightly sketchy cause it involved going over barriers and such, but it turned out to be a decent route and we also got to see another attraction!
Joy.

Once we got to the venue, it was quickly decided by me that we was not going to even step foot out on to the course, as it was very mucky, wet, and still cold. The course was going to be changing and I really didn't feel like spending time cleaning bikes after driving, not eating much, and driving more.
There was probably beer to drink elsewhere too.

We did see some familiar faces and one was our friend Kerry, who also had driven out.
But she did it solo and did it from the Boston area!
She made our drive seems like a small jaunt, what a trooper she is-


Sure was a pretty scene as we rode past the Speedway, and no, we didn't get hassled, bugged or nothing by the security folks there-


We even had enough energy and time to get together with the DCCoD (we being the DCCoWV).
Here Jay-bo and Laurie Webber share a carafe of wine as the rest of us guzzle beer and then the rest of the wine that they couldn't finish. Amateurs-


And that was pretty much it for the first leg.
Text book really. No fuss, no muss, and didn't seem like most of us were too wasted-

SUSPENDED!!

(Thank you for the laugh, Kerry Vandencombsie!!! Can't wait to see you in Kansas! )
Holy Cow, did I have a scare today. Imagine this--I'm putzing around the lab, listening to some Christmas music, feeling excited about the weekend/next week, blah blah blah. Upon checking my email, I have multiple messages from various people (Thank you Chip, Kris, Ryan!), telling me I HAVE BEEN SUSPENDED by USAC! Folks, let me tell you, my heart about sunk through the floor. As you probably know, I just recently provided a fine specimen to the USADA folks, and of course I thought that was what it was pertaining to. That, in combination with my Catholic upbringing, and I had myself a) divorced, b) bankrupt from lawyer fees, and c) pregnant within a minute of reading those emails. To say I have an overactive imagination is an understatement.
Anyhow, it turns out that I was suspended because I hadn't paid a fee for not picking up my number the night before the Greenbriar UCI mt bike race. Now before you go thinking I am a huge slacker that doesn't pay her bills on time, I just want to say in my defense that I got the email on November 30 from USAC saying I had a $24 fee to pay!!!! Here it is just 1 a week later, and I (along with a whole slew of others) was suspended! I honestly thought it was no big deal, and that I would just have to pay it before I renewed my license for next year. There certainly was no hint of a deadline and/or suspension in the email.
So, hopefully this will serve as a warning to everybody. When the USAC says "pay up," you'd better whip out your credit card and say "take what you need."
Meanwhile, I am fully prepared to be made fun of. Gunnar likes to point out that in all his years of racing, he has never been a) fined, b) relegated (at least one that stuck), or c) suspended, whereas I have a) been there, b) done that, and c) now you know the story on that one.

Even the Kids are making fun of me.

Just as he was about to attack...

We are sad to report that F*ckerman's season ended abruptly and spectacularly at the Carlisle race. He tore the ligaments in his thumb (cringe!). All you single ladies out there, take note-- this man needs some TLC!


Like a true teammate, he was still there to heckle us all from the pits on Sunday, though.



Hope your thumb heals quick, F*ckerman!!

At Your Service

FORT Factory Team Pit Crew, in action, trying to figure out those new-fangled crank thingies.

New Racing Machine!

Oi, I love this bike.


Gunnar putting on the finishing touches with a little help from Bozo, F*kerman's cat.

Another Lost Child

This post should really go on the DairyDog and Lost Children website, but we don't want to disturb the dD pictures just yet. So, I'll write about it here.
Somebody asked me at the race yesterday if we planned to get another "pet." I said we probably wouldn't turn one away if we happened to find one, but we had no plans to get another one. Well, I guess I should have amended that, because guess what we found today!!?

A PYTHON!!!!!!


Yes, indeed. We found him in the same park that we found the Reese's Extravaganza, just sitting on a rock. After my normal freak-out at the sight of a snake, we looked at him a bit closer and both came to the conclusion that this snake did not look indigenous to West by-God Virginia. He looked more like he belonged in Africa.
So, gunnar scooped him up with a stick and we put him in my lunch bag (yum) and took him to the Exotic Jungle. We marched in and said we found a snake, and you could just see them roll their eyes, like oh great... imagine their surprise (and ours) when the PetShop Boy took one look at him and exclaimed, a Ball Python! Apparently he had just eaten something, too, because he had a big old poochy belly. I guess they are really shy and docile creatures, and make great pets. Unfortunately, if we kept him, we would have to whack rodents on the head to feed him, so he is not the animal for us. I am sure he will find a nice home there with all the other creepy crawlies at the Exotic Jungle.

Trudge Onward We Must

We keep dragging our feet here at fiendCentral.
But we'll be going to the start of the MAC season, fret not.
Just don't expect too much, it's been a tough time.
Really tough.

Racing with dairyDog on our mind-

The Show Must Go On.

I've been outvoted.
In light of the recent demise of 1/3 of our family, my vote was to can the cross season. Call it a wrap and give it a go next year, and spend this season being fat, pasty-white, and agoraphobic.
However, gunnar is right when he says becoming hermits is probably the worst thing we can do, and his vote is to give it a go. Tied, 1-1.
So, WWdDD?
You know as well as I do that she would want us out there racing our little broken hearts out, with her cheering from above. So, I guess despite not having really thought about cross the last couple weeks, we'll see you all at Granogue.
We better practice our scrumming.

See All the Fun You're Missing

When you leave early?
Well, F*ckerMan didn't take a teammate out this weekend, but he unfortunately took himself out. I saw it from the pit, and it did not look like fun, especially when his hand got run over. In an effort to toughen him up a bit, here's gunnar scrubbing that knee out with a wire brush.



Another example of HillBilly Hygiene!

A typical scene

This is about 4:30 pm at Lilypons.
Where did everybody go? We are nearly always the last to leave.
Most of the time we are at least out of our chamois before everybody leaves, though.

** addendum by gunnar.
We were still waiting for BEER!!!
You promised!!!
And didn't deliver!!!

Pox on you.

Whew

I've been waiting for this ever since road nationals. What if that poppy seed muffin I ate 3 years ago is still in my system? What if dairyDog's steroids somehow crept into my system? What if I breathed some of that inhaler that my sister used to use back in high school (14 years ago)? What if I am really a man? What if I have a chimeric twin?

Mountain State Road Classic

WV State Champs

YAHOO! That gunnar is one sneaky boy. As he said, the strongest man does not always win the race.


Here is our secret weapon for cross season, aka as F*cker Man.













Team Bi-Atch/Casorph Piano official podium wear.













It takes special talent to endo while going uphill.

24

Is taking all our time.
Attention.
Thought.
Life.

We eat, sleep, think, just like our comrades at CTU.
It's awful.
But we can't walk away now, we're in too deep.

---------------
sent from somewhere inside the Compound, room #3.
Secure port:3285

Cross starts when?

You can see Betsy's old and new frames/bikes.
But can you find mine?
They're buried.
Behind the box, behind our borrowed award-tandem.

I don't think I'm ready for Cross just yet.
But *my* legs don't hurt when I run...

Tales From the Bog

That's what the story is in this month's National Geographic.
And when I saw it I thought of Canaan Valley, WV.



The magazine and web article are talking about the bodies and what-not that are being found in some Irish Peat Bogs from way back when.
The bogs I'm thinking about are a bit closer to home and not so way back, and though there may be some bodies left over from the spectators during the last few Blackwater 100s, mostly the bogs contain some really interesting riding and probably more then a few pair of cycling shoes.

Besides the Moon Rocks and Plantation Trail, the Bogs are probably the most memorable feature of doing any riding or racing in the Canann Valley region.
Lots of stories about folks thinking they had the good line only to see someone else 30 yards away riding the bike while they themselves get "bogged" down. Yet again.
Or racing at the Original 24 Hours of Canaan, *seeing* the lights out there, wondering if they or you have the better line, and waiting to see who's lights go arching across the sky right as the rider falls knee deep into the bog.

The Bogs sure are a mean kind of fun.

More Tails

iPlayOutside's story -
Black Bear Fiction

"Never looked back." Wrong. Denied.
I saw Steve on the long gravel climb.
I saw Steve on the last hike-a-bike and he saw me. He said "oh, no, not this time Gunnar." (in his thick Steve Heel accent) To his credit, though he was starting to cramp and such what not, he had the presence of mind to stop at the last feed station and get some food in him, then of course he really knew that last decent well, and I just went ass-over-tin-cups once, couldn't make one of the switchback at all, but was trying really hard to reel him in.
We had a good race.

And poor Betsy.
Had to race in Bean boots. :(
And flatted, and fell down a crevace. :(
And had that blotted wrist from those evil bees. :(

Well Betsy is at least pleased that her only mishap was at a race that wasn't particularly important.
All my mishaps happen at the more important ones -
* Greenbriar AMBC
* Stoopid 50 (not leading, but dern close)
* WV State MTB Championships
* NORBA National Championships
And at every one, I was leading when calamity struck.
Poopie pants.

Home finally and greeted by the Chris's feral cats

What we had to look forward to the next morning

Tails from the Black Bear, coming soon

But first, Big Foot in Kanawha State Forest? -
Puzzling Evidence

You saw it here first!

Trail Maintenance Kicks Butt!

And it really kicked ours too.

Regardless of how the points get added on or added to, Betsy and I are trying to do our part.

This year the WVMBA Series is trying out the Pay Dirt Program where by doing hours of certified Trail help and what-not will get you points toward your overall standings in the series.
So we got in contact w/ Mark Schooley at Big Bear Lake and arranged for a Trail Day.

As it turned out, it was just the three of us at first, then lot owner and fellow MTBer, Keith, showed up to help out too.
We worked from 10am to 3pm, and what took us all that time to mark, negotiate, and clear, we rode in about 10 minutes. That's how trail work goes sometimes, but when you piece a bunch of work together over a few weeks you've got some real trails to ride.
But the day was not w/o mishap and incident, as we stumbled (quite literally) a den of ground bees that swarmed and tried to make life more miserable than we already were. I got stung three or four time, Betsy got stung four times, Keith and Mark were spared. My tough skin proved usefull as all I got were some itchys, where as the tender-skinned Betsy swelled up, got dizzy, and generally had a bad time from that point until the next day.
I also lost my nice foldable Gerber saw. Poopie pants.

After working for 5 hours we decided to go on a "one" hour ride. Mark wanted to show us the new trail by the pines too, "shouldn't take too long".
2:45 hours later we were all back. No flats, just a longer ride, a misplaced rider, but some really nice riding on a really nice day.

But it crushed us but good!
We got home, barely, tried to walk dD around some, then came home, maybe ate some, and took a nap, then woke, tried to get things ready for the race the next day, and fell back to sleep. We were wrecked.
I also forgot to put Betsy's race shoes in the bus.
And of course that lead to a frustrating time the next day...

Betsy's normally thin wrist looking not so happy.

What's Wrong With This Picture?

Click Link:

Bunny @ Black Bear

Getting Tired

Wilderness101, Addendum

CyclingNews W101 Report and Results

Look for your favorite Team Bi-atch/Casdorph Piano player in the full results, we all finished! -
* Betsy "crush them Torg, do as I say"
* gunnar "more walking would have helped"
* Mike "when should I stop?" Yozell
* Chris "3 gears is plenty" McGill

And don't forget the WV Nite Club Posse -
* Benji "argg I need a heavier gear" Klimas
* Jon-jon "ahh, you just need to shift it" Martin
* Chris "I carried three tubes and didn't need any of them?" Phillips
Thanks for Caution Taping the bus guys...